


In Which Serena Gets the Character Development She Deserved

by Princ3squ3



Category: Gossip Girl (TV 2007)
Genre: Alternate Ending, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-28
Updated: 2019-11-28
Packaged: 2021-02-26 18:47:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21593347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Princ3squ3/pseuds/Princ3squ3
Summary: Serena decides to get her life together again, but this time without any "everyone important MUST stay in New York" narrative restrictions.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 8





	In Which Serena Gets the Character Development She Deserved

_“If anyone should be mad, it should be me.”_

The words Serena had spoken in Dan’s came back to haunt her that night. They slithered through her mind like a serpent, twisting her thoughts into something she no longer recognized.

She rolled over again, trying desperately to find the position that would finally allow her to rest. Frustratingly, the silk sheets she’d wrapped herself in refused to follow – they were just as tangled as her thoughts.

_“If anyone should be mad, it should be me.”_

Groaning, she sat up and rubbed the sleep out of her eyes. She flicked on the small lamp beside her bed and began the painstaking work of untangling her mess.

_“Gossip Girl ruined our lives!”_

Blair’s feelings, not hers. Dan had out-schemed the master, and of course she was displeased that it was Dan, not she, who held the most sway over their exclusive group. Little Dan from Brooklyn.

With her sheets returned to their proper order, Serena flicked off the light and curled up in bed.

_“What he did with that power was write a love letter.”_

_“It made me realize that I don’t want to run away.”_

_“You guys are my family.”_

_“I belong here.”_

And that was it, she realized, recalling the argument she’d had with Dan on Thanksgiving. She’d been lying awake then, too, filled with anger, the agony of betrayal, and thoughts of Dan, Dan, Dan. But it wasn’t him she found herself disgusted with. It was herself.

_“What I did is no worse than what all your friends do to each other every day.”_

Even as Gossip Girl, he hadn’t done worse than Blair, who’d threatened and harassed a teacher for a grade that never would have mattered. She’d targeted the teacher Serena had loved. The teacher who had made her feel like _she_ mattered. Like she could be someone.

And she’d forgiven Blair, of course, because Blair was her best friend, and that’s what best friends do. And the consequences Blair had faced were punishment enough, she had told herself.

And Gossip Girl Dan _certainly_ hadn’t been worse than Serena’s own mother, who’d sent an innocent man to prison to benefit her daughter.

_“I belong here.”_

In the light of day, surrounded by her friends, knowing at last that she belonged had filled her with warmth. But now, alone in the dark, the savage voice that always lurked in the back of her mind rang loud and clear.

If she’d found her “place” beside people who schemed, sabotaged, and smiled through it all, what did that say about her? The better self she had pledged to become after returning from boarding school wouldn’t outlive a mayfly.

She could make the same pledge again, she thought, but there was no point in trying to deceive herself. She’d failed over and over again, no matter how drastic her approach, and the next time wouldn’t be any different. Maybe it was finally time to admit defeat, to stop fighting and finally accept herself? There could be a kind of peace in acceptance...

Serena awoke to the sun filtering in through a gap in the curtains she’d carelessly forgotten to draw. She blinked in confusion, holding up a hand to block the light. She wasn’t sure when she’d finally fallen asleep, but judging from how lethargic she felt, it likely hadn’t been that long ago.

She groped around for her phone before pulling the covers over her head. The sun may have woken her, but that didn’t mean she had to face the day just yet.

She turned on her phone and then groaned, remembering.

An email greeted her – specifically with the details of her early flight to California. She needed to be at the airport in – she checked the flight time - approximately two hours.

In a fit of frustration, she’d decided once again to put a whole continent between herself and her life. She smiled, and felt the laughter bubbling up.

She didn’t _have_ to catch the flight. She could pull the curtains shut and try to catch a few more hours of sleep. It would be easier to stay. And if she did leave, she would only be running from her problems again, falling back into the same old habits.

But curiously, she found herself crawling out from under her blankets. She threw open the curtains and embraced the morning light. Before she knew it, her suitcases were already open and filled with clothing, toiletries, makeup – everything she might need in her new life and more than a few things she wouldn’t.

And when her packing was finished and a taxi called, she lingered for one final task. She tore out a page from an old journal and began a list of rules for her new self:

_No lying or scheming._

She paused for a moment before adding:

**And NO boys!**

**Author's Note:**

> Had to at least write the first part to get it out of my system, but willing to continue if anyone's interested.


End file.
